On friends and family

The year 2008 was a year I do not wish to remember.  A lot of things happened and most of them were quite bad.  Sometimes, I envy the characters from an RPG.  When the main character fails to save the princess, he can simply go back to that shiny, blue save point and start all over again.  But in real life when your son dies, all you can do is sit down on the floor, stay quiet, put your head down, and start crying by yourself, knowing that there are no memory cards in this world that can help you reverse time.

My son Bow-Wow died last 2008.  I can still remember the horror I felt when my mom called me on Skype very early in the morning that day, informing me that our beloved dog died.  I was in a faraway place when that happened, working in a foreign land where I had to work on an evening shift.  I was talking with a client when suddenly, my mom called and informed me of what happened.  I couldn’t cry.  I had to stay professional.  

It was the most painful stab I ever felt, but I can’t cry yet.  

My son, whom I shared my life with through ups and downs, laughed with, loved with all my heart died when I wasn’t there.  He died in front of our small gate, waiting for his stupid, irresponsible father who just gave him a small pat in the head when he left for work in a foreign land.  

Was the love I gave him in the past, gonna be enough to last, when tomorrow never came?

Alam nya kaya kung gaano ko sya kamahal? Sana.  Sana.  

Good thing mobile phones were created.  I cried a river and screamed in pain when I was alone in my hotel room, talking with my bestfriend.  To add insult to injury, I was having a diarrea that time…

Which made me wonder, did my son save me? Dogs die in place of their owners when something bad is about to happen to the latter.  That, I believe.  He probably died to save me from something worse.  That thought made me feel really bad, it would be an insult if I tried to blame my son for doing that.  All I could do was to thank him in sorrow…

Farewell my son, it was a blast! I hope you can forgive your stupid, irresponsible dad for not being there when you needed him the most.  I’ll always miss you! Mwah mwah!

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On a different note, a person close to me also died that year.  She was a close friend, whom I shared some of the most unforgettable experiences with.  We had our differences, but our bond was strong enough to endure any of that.  Or so I thought.  

We had fun times together, most of it were of silly things that reminded us life is sweet when friends are there.  I swore I’d protect her when she needs me and she swore… wait she didn’t swore anything.  She just said she was really, really glad to have me as a friend.  I was like a samurai who tried to protect someone dear to him.  My girlfriend got even a wee bit jealous because of our closeness, but it was all cool when I explained our situation.  I told her we were just like siblings.  I treated her like my own sister and I a brother to her.     

Then she died.  She died in front of me, leaving all the memories we had behind.  I couldn’t do anything, as she was already dead.  The person I swore to protect and treated as my own kin died.  How useless I felt.  I can’t even protect her when she was fading into oblivion, trying to reach out for my hand when she was suffering greatly in her deathbed.  I wasn’t even there to hold her hand when she breathed her last… 

What can I protect?

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Although it was a distressing year, what consoles me is the new bonds I’ve made.  Friends come and go, and it’s rare these days to find a real friend.  Some are only there when you’re happy, some are only there when you’re on the same status as them, and some even try to find a reason real hard (even if there’s none) just to leave you because they don’t want to be friends with you anymore.  For whatever reason they do that, I don’t know.  They suck and I don’t give a damn, that’s all I know.  As long as my bestfiend is there, I’m fine.  XD

Thing is, I always tell my friends if what they’re doing/they did is wrong.  However they interpret that, it’s up to them.  It’s my way of respecting them, because they’re my friend.  Though if it’s a minor mistake, I sometimes just keep quiet.  Heck, im not their father and I don’t want them to feel like I’m they’re dad.  Bottomline is, if I feel you’re wrong, I’ll tell you.  If I make a mistake, I’ll apologize.  If you see me make a mistake and didn’t tell me I’m wrong, what kind of a friend are you?

Anyway, to the new friends I made last year (locally and internationally) I thank you for the new pages in life we’re about to fill together this coming year.  Truly, no man is an island, and I offer you my unwavering loyalty and friendship.  I promise I’ll never leave you no matter what, unless you betray my trust.